Author Bio Amazon Wouldn't Accept!

Don't mean to imply they wouldn't let me use it because it's vulgar. Well, I kinda did mean to imply that if I'm honest... so you'd read this. I'm sorry for deceiving you, as well as for apologizing, because I say at the end there that I won't apologize for anything I write. 

The actual reason Amazon wouldn't post it is because -- after I spend an hour or whatever typing this up -- I hit submit only to find there was a 25 word limit!

I never read directions.

But here it is for anyone interested... (beneath the cover/book button).

 

AUTHOR BIO

Nico Monetti is the greatest man to have ever lived, named Nico Monetti. 

Widely regarded by some [relatives] as the "purest and most important American literary voice of the 21st Century", Nico's work has reached tens, if not hundreds, of people in several US states and in multiple countries throughout the galaxy. 

In North Korea, for example, GLASS BLACK BOX has been on the best seller list for 18 months straight!... with a whopping 8 copies sold.

Critics across the board are raving [presumably amongst themselves] that his new release, GLASS BLACK BOX is sure to top charts and change the world, in the words of President Trump "like you wouldn't believe." 

As one reviewer puts it, "Nico's writing captures everything from the realities we know and choose not to face, to the realities we don't know and won't face. It's astounding. What's more, the means by which he conveys everything from the depths depression to the heights of mania is nothing short of masterful, and done in a tone that is at once on par with titans of the page, of past and present, AND at once entirely distinct and in a league of its own; this is thanks to Nico's caustic wit, casual formality, self-aware absurdity, and underpinning sentimentality."

It's what The New York Times calls...

If there's one thing Nico would want readers to know, it's that he feels authors shoot themselves in the foot by doing things like writing bios of themselves in the third person. That just seems pathetic, because it's like they're trying to pretend they're a bigger deal than they are. What? Are we to imagine a historian typed up a quick blurb on you and the book no one has ever heard of?

Like I sai... like Nico would say to that point, again to quote President Trump, "NOT good!"

At the end of the day, for all Nico's -- what The Seattle Daily New York Weekly Correspondent's Digest affectionally refers to as "tomfuckery" -- is a core concern for humanity, and a clear sense of purpose: to unlock the value people hold beneath their limiting understandings of self, and under the rule of governments and institutions and religions and modes of thinking that come to shackle the human spirit and inhibit innovation, ambition, and both individual and collective achievement and advancement.

Nico also openly admits to living with a biologically determined manic depressive mental illness called bipolar disorder. As a means of coping with the fact that he is at his core incapable of ever living a "normal life", or experiencing the same things most around him can, in a predictable way, he simply tries to understand what's going on; because when you get curious about what you fear, you may just learn it's not as scary as you thought, or at least doesn't have to be.

More than anything, Nico wants to be of value. Because even though girls always break his heart, drugs hold more appeal most else, and life itself can seem a un ungoverned futile swim into a mysterious abyss, it's still hard to be depressed if he's being useful. In the case of Nico; so should his work affect someones somewhere, in some positive and noticeable way -- and he's given evidence to suggest he may not just be a crazy person with insecurity laced delusions of grandeur writing things that no one will ever read or see or give a s**t about -- he's happy.

To facilitate this still societally taboo decision to act as an unlikely ambassador for the chaotic realm of the sub-sane, Nico moved to New York and assumed a new identity, under which he now spends his days brokering fast-paced, high-stakes financial dealings on Wall Street to aid in financing his expedition into the unknown for the benefit of mankind.

He apologizes in advance for being unable to apologize for anything he writes, if only because he's also tired of everyone being, to quote President Trump one final time, "pussies".

- THE END -